As mothers, we are inundated with this message:
Your child deserves to feel safe with their caregivers.
Your child needs secure attachment or they will suffer in innumerable ways.

Is this science off base? No. I teach this information for a living.

But what about mothers living with their own unresolved relational trauma and attachment wounds?

What about mothers whose child has a sensitive nervous system, and seemingly chronically dysregulated, and in NEED of their mother's calm...

BUt this mother was never given calm to her own nervous system! She was punished or dismissed or neglected.

That doesn't just disappear from a mother's mind and body.

These challenges don't dissolve just because a mother longs, with her heart and soul to be their child's safe space, and give their child what they did not receive.

Mama, if you're living with a history of abuse or neglect, insecure attachment, or circumstance and environmental stress or dysfunction...

You. Are. Going. To. Make. Mistakes.

Can we stop obsessing over being loving warm mothers while exiling from conversation the REALITY of a healing mother's journey? It involves ruptures. It just does.

We need to be honest and transparent: how do we navigate the post rupture vortex?

How do we return to connection with self loathing, self punishment, and self disconnect are stealing our ability to repair?

You are not alone

I have become intimate with rupture and repair throughout the last 12 years of motherhood.

At first, my experience of making mistakes was debilitating, agonizing self hatred. Voices that I could not stop from screaming at me.

HOW BAD. WRONG. TERRIBLE. DISGUSTING. I was as a mother.

How my children deserved better. How I was an utter failure and might as well leave -- I just make everything worse.

I can't control myself. I am broken. Defected. Evil.

Do you hear these voices? Do you get trapped here?

FIND YOURSELF, LEARN TO SOOTHE,
COME BACK TO YOUR CHILD

It is possible to catch yourself sooner.

Sooner every time you fall. To bring yourself back to yourself, your child, and your relationship.

Those voices that keep you trapped, they can be held, nurtured, released.

Now, I can walk through the fire of regret, self defeat, huge grief, anger, chaos.

I can STAY with the pain, like labor and birth, I can move through it and come out the other side. Ready for true forgiveness, lesson learning, and forward movement.

Explore the Post Rupture Vortex and find your back again.